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UnfaithfulConfessions of a Cheating Heart
By G.L. Passmore
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2010 G.L. Passmore
All right reserved.
Chapter OneSex and Love
Let's just get this out of the way now so we can move forward.
Sex and love are two different things; and in many cases don't even slightly co-mingle with one another. I get kind of tired of some people complaining about how their partner cheated on them, when in all actuality they were partly to blame. Now I say some people because both men and women are guilty of this relationship ending offense. First we will start off with the men. Fellas, does it take you longer to get your clothes off to have sex than the actual act itself? Has your partner forgotten what an orgasm even feels like? Or at least what it feels like when you are actually in the room? The mentality that you are giving her some kind of gift to even be gracing her with some lame sex, will get you cheated on eventually. Now, from my experience it does take a little longer for a woman to go out and cheat but believe me it happens. By nature, women are nurturers and more patient than we are, but they are human and we all have our limits. The reason for this "grace period" that we get is that women tend to think that sex is somehow connected with love. At least they used to; but in this day in age women are acting much like the men of old and they will step out to get what they need in the bedroom. They usually come back because by nature they are smarter than we are. They won't risk a life that they are 98% happy with just to get the 2% that they aren't. What I'm trying to get to is men; you got to step up your game. Slow down a little or in some cases a lot, and let her enjoy it too. We can usually get what we need if the wind blows the right way, but you are going to have to put in some work to get her there. In my experience I found it much more enjoyable when I knew she got what she needed as much as I did. That satisfaction far outweighs the feeling you get when she is giving you the "is that it?" look; while your sorry ass is laying there trying to catch your breath and pretending that you don't notice. Why is it that women settle for not having an orgasm every time they have sex? Men get to have one, assuming you didn't get cut short or something like that. I have been told by women that they don't need to have an orgasm every time and it is just a bonus if the sex is good. I as a man will never understand that. I figure if the sex is good then why in the hell not have one? To a man that is typically the only part we are even interested in. Test your man and see. Do you want to see him turn into an eight year old in two seconds flat? Try this. Get him all in the mood and get the sex good and hot and right before he is about to climax.... Stop. Stop whatever it is you are doing and just start cuddling with him or kissing him or whatever it is HE does after he usually gets off and leaves you all hot and bothered to fend for yourself. But whatever you do don't let him finish and see how he reacts. I have been there and that is a bad, bad moment. It's like running a marathon and getting right up to the finish line and quitting. Guys don't hate on me because this is for your own good. She feels like this every time you half ass the sex with her and most women won't even complain about it. On the flip side of the coin ladies, if you lay there and keep your mouth shut, you have basically told him that you were satisfied with what you got out of it. So guys you have to ask your self is it worth it to put in that extra 2% to keep her satisfied in the bedroom? Damn right it is! So count to ten, think about baseball, better yet, just stop! Pull out and show her some attention in other ways. Get yourself together and start all over again. I promise you she will appreciate it. You may actually learn that it pleases you even more when you know she is getting what she needs too.
On to the ladies,
I will be the first to admit that sex in our minds (men) is one of the most important parts of a relationship. The fact that you may not agree with or like it doesn't make it any less true. Women have long been using sex as a leverage point to get men to do what they want. But just as things have changed for women, they have also changed for men. Our minds also work a lot different. We will leave a woman that we are 98% happy with for a woman that's providing the 2% that you are holding hostage. At least in the old days we did come home. The problem is that the other woman is only supplying 2% of what we really need. Of course we usually don't figure that out until it's too late. The point is, why put him or yourself in that position? I'm telling you from experience that it doesn't take that long either. It may take you as a woman months or even years of being unsatisfied before you step out on him, but a man can bring himself to do it in weeks what it takes you a year to do. That old saying about "if he really loves me he wouldn't do that" is B.S. The truth is that he will do it if given enough time (which is a lot less than you need) to think about it; it's actually almost a guarantee. Listen closely! It has nothing to do with love!! I'll say it again; it has nothing to do with love! Most men can have sex with a total stranger and come back to you like nothing happened and never think about her again. Like I said before, times are changing and women are starting to do it too, but men have been doing it forever! I'm not saying that you should just lay there and be some kind of sexual pin cushion just so he won't go out and cheat. What I am saying is that sex as a weapon is a dangerous game to play. If there is a problem then address it. Don't let it turn into a situation that "pushes" him to step out on you because in his mind, you will share some of the responsibility and like I said before; just because you don't agree with it or like it, doesn't make it any less true. I know myself and it probably sounds pretty bad but if I go for more than three or four days without sex, I start getting pretty irritated with just about everything. There was a day that if you had me hanging on for more than a few weeks, we may have some problems! Well YOU might, depending on how attached you are to the idea that you are the only woman I find sexually attractive. It's pretty easy to see the signs though. A good sign is that, if you know you aren't giving it up and he's all moody about it (and as hard as we try, we can't hide it) then all of the sudden, he's in a good mood and less interested in getting it from you, then guess what? He just may have found that 2% that he was missing from you, somewhere else. Get pissed if you want to, but you have been warned! And yes he still loves you, but again, sex has nothing to do with love. I have a female friend that once told me that sex came really easy to her, and it was harder for her to just sit down and talk to a person about how she really felt. Well I bet most women think that she is wrong; we as men have had that mentality for years! I could sit here and tell you all day about the differences between men and women and what we will and won't do if we feel like we aren't getting what we need at home. The bottom line is that relationships are always a gamble. Most of us will lose on the first few tries, but typically we'll get it right after a few broken hearts. Ladies take this little bit of advice from a guy that knows firsthand. A woman will fake an orgasm if she is really likes the relationship, but a man will fake the relationship if he really likes the orgasm. Somewhere in the middle of how primitive men sometimes think, and how complicated women try to make themselves out to be, there has to be a happy medium. A compromise to where not everything has to be perfect, but it has to be too good at home to risk losing it. That goes for both sides. We all need the same basic things for a healthy happy relationship: love, security, trust, and yes .... Sex. Guys, chances are that if she doesn't get the first three things on the list.., you aren't getting the fourth one.
The One That Hurt You
For 99% percent of the men in the position that I was in, there was a woman who broke his heart, and I am no exception. I suppose a little background for this story is in order.
All through my high school years I was quite the cheater; but not too far under the surface, after my school years had ended, I knew I wanted to be a one woman, married man. But for the time being, school was a time to explore and goof off. My mother was divorced twice by the time I had graduated (at no fault of her own except bad choices in men) and I knew that wasn't the route I wanted to take in my own adult life. During the summer of my senior year, I started dating a girl that I truly thought was the one. We got along great and our families liked each other and things were perfect, so I thought.
I went to the military a month after graduation and had to leave her behind for a short time to complete boot camp and schooling for advanced training in mechanical engineering. My plan was to get settled at my first duty station and send for her to attend college in the city I was to be stationed in. Half way through my schooling, she decided that she would surprise me and join the Navy herself to be closer to me sooner. (WTF!!!) She was no doubt a little...... ok; she was dumb as hell to believe that her Navy recruiter would station us together after she graduated from boot camp. At any rate, she completed boot camp after a few months and was sent Naval Air Station Jacksonville, Florida. Florida was really great with only one exception, and that was that I was still in Great Lakes, Illinois headed for a four year tour in Norfolk, Virginia. VIRGINIA!!! Well before she had left for Florida we got engaged. We set a date for when I returned from my first Mediterranean deployment about 8 months later. The cruise was amazing and I got to see a great deal of the world. I met some awesome people and experienced many different cultures. The most amazing thing was that I was faithful to her the entire time! Well.... accept this hooker in the Philippines. Oh I'm kidding, I never got to go to the Philippines, but I didn't want anyone to fall asleep reading this. So anyway, I was faithful and it really was torture. Any man who has traveled to that part of the world will tell you that there are some of the most beautiful women on the planet there. Those ignorant people that tell you that Russian woman are big giants that smell bad and have mustaches bigger than the men, and those Greek women smell bad because they refuse to bathe, have obviously never been off the farm. And those silly rumors about six foot tall Norwegian blondes...... Let me tell you, I met tons of them and those silly rumors are absolutely true! You wouldn't believe it. There was this one time in Greece this girl and her friend were wearing nothing but..... Oh! Where was I? Anyway, what I was trying to get across was that for an 18 year old American Sailor, it was damn hard to be faithful. And another rumor that is completely true, the women over there love American men. They would always tell us that the men over there treated them really badly and beat them a lot. Not to mention that I was a pretty good looking kid back in my day! Now I'm just old, fat and slow. When I finally returned from the "Med" I was all set to get married. I flew down to Jacksonville to get her and we planned on driving back to Ohio to get married; and again, so I thought.
When I arrived there in all of my glory, things were very different and so was she. We immediately started arguing about things that weren't important in the least bit. She had changed so much in such a short period of time that it blew me away. After a few days of "fun in the sun" we got on the road to go back to Ohio to get married. I figured it was just the separation that had us a little flustered, but never really could get over the fact that we had not seen each in the better part of a year, and spent most of our time fighting the first week I got home. In my mind the only thing that really needed to be said was something like..... "Please just give me five minutes to recover! This is the 6th time today and I am only one man!" Or something like that. Nope, not even close.
So we finally get home after a 19 hour drive from hell and pull into her parents' driveway. I shut off the car and asked her what was really going on. She started to cry and finally broke it down to me about how bad and guilty she felt about the way she had behaved while I was gone. She admitted to cheating on me one time (sure, one time) and that she had been trying to find a way to tell me so we could get married with no secrets between us. I can honestly say that I know the exact day that my faith in love and the idea of being faithful was almost completely shattered. I instantly changed into another person at that very moment.
From then on I never put any woman I ever dated above cheating; or any woman period for that matter. I personally believe that anyone put into the right circumstance will cheat. I might be wrong about that, but I have always said that I would rather be wrong about that opinion, than be dumb enough to think that it can't happen. My wife has always hated that about me. I think she really does agree with me, but wishes I would make an exception for her (sorry Christie, you too) But (Ladies) if it makes you feel better, most guys will cheat in situations where it is almost a sure thing that they will get caught. We are just dumb like that, can't explain it. At least women give it some thought first! Anyway, the funny thing is, is that she thought things would be just fine. Silly, silly girl! I told her that I was glad and relieved that she had finally told me the truth and please get out of my car. If you ask me, she probably wasn't as dumb as I thought. She could have told me in the middle of nowhere Tennessee on the drive from Florida, and there is no telling where I would have put her out at.
So she was the one who messed it up for some pretty decent women I have met in my life. I haven't had many real girlfriends in my adult life, and really, the few that I did have would have made excellent wives. After a couple of years I would always find a way to mess things up because I was sure that eventually they would just disappoint me, so why go through that again? So now any of you girls that may be reading this that I have "dated" in the past and wondered what the hell was wrong with me that made me so emotionally unavailable, blame her. The crazy thing is, I didn't talk to or see her again until I got out of the Navy 8 years later. She showed up at my mother's house with two kids wanting to leave her husband, who was ironically the guy she cheated on me with. She's still nuts.
I did get married at the age of 19 but that story is what this chapter is about, The Rebound. Just a quick note, DO NOT MARRY THE REBOUND!!!!! Well at least not after three months from meeting her. Who in their right mind would do something that f ... in stupid? (I think that is how my mom and pretty much every one else I knew put it.)
After being devastated by me ex-fiancé, I took a little trip to the mall to clear my head a little before going home to visit my mother. I didn't want to go home in that state of mind since I hadn't seen her in over a year. That mall trip was a huge mistake for two reasons. Mistake one: I was feeling a bit self-destructive and hurt at the same time. I ended up running into a girl I used to work with at a fast food restaurant when I was in high school. I worked at Arby's and my uncle use to pick on me and call me the king of roast beef. Now let me tell you that there was no real attraction whatsoever, that day or any other day in the past, but she was a pretty cool girl and we had always gotten along pretty well. To make a long story short we made plans to hook up later that night at my mothers' house. Mistake two: I foolishly thought my mother had fallen asleep when we snuck upstairs to the bedroom. HUGE mistake!! And you would totally agree with me if you had ever been caught having sex by your mother! She just walked right in, no warning or nothing. If you are fortunate enough to know my mom, you would know that she is easily one of the sweetest people you will ever meet. She is also one of the scariest people you will ever meet. I remember on more than one occasion the neighbor crack head ringing our doorbell to bring her purse and car keys because she had left them on the front seat of the car by mistake. And everyone knows a crack head or might be related to one. Hell you might even be one yourself (I don't discriminate) and that is just not in the crack head code of ethics. Any way my point is that she is not the woman to cross and everyone knows it. But again, just another example why even at an early age, I was getting caught; and like I said before, men will do things when the chances are more than likely that they won't get away with it.
Excerpted from Unfaithful by G.L. Passmore Copyright © 2010 by G.L. Passmore. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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This book is great and so true to life. I could not put down the book down, everyone can relate to this book