The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant Dad

The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant Dad


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With laugh-out-loud funny parenting observations, the New York Times bestselling author and award-winning comedian delivers a book that is perfect for anyone who has ever raised a child, been a child, or refuses to stop acting like one.

In 2016 comedian Mike Birbiglia and poet Jennifer Hope Stein took their fourteen-month-old daughter Oona to the Nantucket Film Festival. When the festival director picked them up at the airport she asked Mike if he would perform at the storytelling night. She said, "The theme of the stories is jealousy."

Jen quipped, "You're jealous of Oona. You should talk about that."

And so Mike began sharing some of his darkest and funniest thoughts about the decision to have a child. Jen and Mike revealed to each other their sides of what had gone down during Jen's pregnancy and that first year with their child. Over the next couple years, these stories evolved into a Broadway show, and the more Mike performed it the more he heard how it resonated—not just with parents but also people who resist all kinds of change.

So he pored over his journals, dug deeper, and created this book: The New One: Painfully True Stories From a Reluctant Dad. Along with hilarious and poignant stories he has never shared before, these pages are sprinkled with poetry Jen wrote as she navigated the same rocky shores of new parenthood.

So here it is. This book is an experiment—sort of like a family.

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781538701515
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Publication date: 06/16/2020
Pages: 256
Sales rank: 174,738
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Mike Birbiglia is a comedian, storyteller, director, actor and New York Times bestselling author who has performed in front of audiences worldwide. His shows, My Girlfriend's Boyfriend and Thank God for Jokes, were both filmed for Netflix. His most recent show, The New One, ran for ninety-nine shows at the Cort Theatre on Broadway.

In addition to performing live, Mike wrote, directed, and starred in the films Sleepwalk with Me and Don't Think Twice. His first book Sleepwalk with Me and Other Painfully True Stories was a finalist for the Thurber Prize for American Humor.

As an actor, Mike has appeared on Inside Amy Schumer, HBO's Girls, and Broad City, as well as in films like Trainwreck, The Fault in Our Stars, and Popstar. He played recurring roles in Orange is the New Black and Billions. He is a frequent contributor to public radio's This American Life and The Moth Radio Hour and was honored in 2017 with the Kurt Vonnegut Award for humor.

J. Hope Stein is a poet, and the author of Little Astronaut. Her work has been published in the New York Times, the New Yorker and Poetry International.

Table of Contents

The Book Starts Here 1

Zombie Kid-pocalypse 5

I Seven Reasons 15

1 I Love My Marriage 17

2 My Body Is a Lemon 23

3 I Don't Know Anything 29

4 I Have a Cat 33

5 I Have a Job 37

6 There Shouldn't Be Children Anymore 39

7 People Aren't Great 45

II Vows 49

III It's Happening 53

Relentless 55

Flat Soda 59

We Got a Win! 65

Bomb Jokes 69

The Poo Doesn't Smell 75

Clean Forks 77

Bleeding 81

Danger Zone 85

Daddymoon 89

Baby's Eyes 95

Sympathetic Eating 99

Natural History 103

IV Monkey Arrives 105

A Reality-Bending Experience 107

A Renewal of Vows 113

A Sleepwalker and an Insomniac Walk into a Bed 115

Hiccuptown 121

We Wub You 127

Dating My Wife 129

My Side of the Story 133

V Pretending 139

VI Monkey Won't Sleep 145

There's No Me in We 147

Friendly Advice from Other Parents 151

Sex Maybe 155

Great Job 161

Trying 163

The Legs Don't Reach the Floor 167

It Is What It Is 173

VII Me and My Wife on a Plane That's Crashing 177

VIII Can I Have This House When You Die? 181

IX So We Don't Cry 189

X 525,600 Photos 195

XI Natural Causes 201

Sugar Fries 203

Organic Toxic Waste 207

YMCA 211

Slice of Life 217

XII The New One 221

We Learn to Dance 223

The Flu 225

The Eighth Reason 229

Coutz 231

Oonadad 233

The Book Ends Here 237

Acknowledgments 241

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