The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation

The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation

by Melissa Rivers


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Joan Rivers was known all over the world—from the Palace Theater to Buckingham Palace, from the bright lights of Las Vegas to the footlights of Broadway, from the days of talkies to hosting talk shows. But there was only one person who knew Joan intimately, one person who the authorities would call when she got a little out of hand.  Her daughter and best friend, Melissa.
Joan and Melissa Rivers had one of the most celebrated mother-daughter relationships of all time.  If you think Joan said some outrageous things to her audiences as a comedian, you won’t believe what she said and did in private. Her love for her daughter knew no bounds—or boundaries, apparently. ("Melissa, I acknowledge that you have boundaries. I just choose to not respect them.") In The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief and Manipulation, Melissa shares stories (like when she was nine months old and her parents delivered her to Johnny Carson as a birthday gift), bon mots (“Missy, is there anything better than seeing a really good looking couple pushing a baby that looks like a Sasquatch who got caught in a house fire?”), and life lessons from growing up in the Rosenberg-Rivers household (“I can do tips and discounts and figure out the number of gay men in an audience to make it a good show. That’s all the math you’ll ever need.”). These were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to life in the family that Melissa describes as more Addams than Cleaver. And at the center of it all was a tiny blond force of nature.

In The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief and Manipulation, Melissa Rivers relates funny, poignant and irreverent observations, thoughts, and tales about the woman who raised her and is the reason she considers valium one of the four basic food groups.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780594720874
Publisher: Crown/Archetype
Publication date: 05/05/2015
Pages: 304
Sales rank: 300,252
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.30(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

MELISSA RIVERS is an Ivy League graduate, co-creator of the Red Carpet franchise, and the executive producer for the E! Entertainment series, Fashion Police. She is also the mother of a fourteen-year-old son, Cooper, who seems to have taken after his grandmother. Melissa is asking for prayers for her sanity.

Table of Contents

Borrowed Time 1

She Works Hard for the Money 3

The Need to Succeed 7

Fly Me to the Moan 11

Sex, Lies, and Videotape 21

Death Be Not Loud 23

"Here's Johnny…!" 29

Truth Be Told 33

Moving on Up! 39

Can I Take Your Order, Please? 45

A Sport by Any Other Name 51

Fs and Us, Ps and Qs 59

The Gift of the Grab 67

Readin', Ritin', and 'Rithmetic 77

Some Things Never Change 81

Brains vs. Boobs 87

Better Living through Candy 95

Boy Meets Girl (or Whatever) 99

Everybody's Talking… About Everybody Else 107

"I Want to Live Forever…" 113

Just Say "Yes" 119

Speedy Gonzalez 123

A House Divided 127

Mirror, Mirror 133

Bogey & Bacall 141

Lock Up Your Virgins 147

The Purse 153

Dr. Frankenstein and the Red Carpet Monster 157

The Red Carpet Means You've Made It! 163

Know When to Fold 'Em 171

Swag the Dog 177

Something in the Oven 181

Too Soon? 185

I Love You… or Not 189

The Loo of Love 195

From Here to Maternity 199

Begin the BAGuine 203

Do Your Duty(-Free Shopping) 205

A Dingo Stole My Baby 209

Murder and Mayhem 213

Parenting a Parent 219

Not Under My Roof 229

Forty Is the New Fifty 233

Pillow Talk 237

I've Got a Secret 239

Customer Disservice 243

Fifty Shades of Cray 251

Ivy Day 257

Speaking of My Mother… 269

The End 277

Acknowledgments 283

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