Talking to a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder: Communication Skills to Manage Intense Emotions, Set Boundaries, and Reduce Conflict

Talking to a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder: Communication Skills to Manage Intense Emotions, Set Boundaries, and Reduce Conflict


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In this compassionate guide, Jerold Kreisman—author of I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me—offers a powerful set of tools to help you express yourself, set boundaries, and cultivate healthy communication with a loved one who is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD).

If you have a loved one with BPD, you need real, proven-effective strategies to help you navigate the intense emotions and conflict that can arise in daily interactions and conversations. People with BPD often feel anger, pain, and hurt from a history of invalidation and disappointment, and their difficulty in regulating emotions can lead to moments of lashing out that can confuse and upset those around them.

Written by a psychiatrist with more than 40 years of experience in treating BPD, Talking to a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder offers a breakthrough, compassionate approach to communicating with a loved one who has BPD. The SET (support, empathy, truth) method outlined in this book is a powerful and simple tool that will allow you to honestly address your loved one’s demands, assertions, and feelings while still maintaining appropriate boundaries. Each step builds on the last, helping you build up a consistent and reliable communication process.

In this book, you’ll find a review of BPD and the common communication problems inherent in the disorder. You’ll learn how SET can address these issues. And finally, you’ll find detailed examples of specific scenarios that can arise when talking to a loved one with BPD.

Remember—validation isn’t the same as agreement. You can help your loved one feel validated while still maintaining your own boundaries. This essential guide will show you how.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781684030460
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Publication date: 11/01/2018
Pages: 192
Sales rank: 182,573
Product dimensions: 5.90(w) x 8.60(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

Jerold J. Kreisman, MD, is a psychiatrist and leading expert on borderline personality disorder (BPD). He is coauthor of the best seller I Hate You, Don‛t Leave Me; which is considered a classic of both the popular and academic literature on BPD, and has been completely revised and updated in 2010. His book Sometimes I Act Crazy describes how families and friends confront the disorder. Kreisman produces a blog for Psychology Today. He lectures widely in the United States and abroad, and is in private practice in St. Louis, MO.

Foreword writer Randi Kreger is creator of the website and the Welcome to Oz online support community. She is coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells, and speaks and gives workshops about BPD internationally.

Table of Contents

Foreword vii

Acknowledgments x

Introduction 1

Part 1 Coping Tools for BPD

1 An Overview of Borderline Personality 9

2 The SET-UP Communication Style 21

3 Complementary Techniques 35

Part 2 Borderline Challenges

4 The No-Win Dilemma 53

5 Anger 75

6 Abandonment 93

7 Identity: From Emptiness to Selfhood 115

8 Victimization 139

9 Impulsive Self-Destructiveness 153

10 When to Hold, When to Fold 169

Resources 179


Kreisman resides in St. Louis, MI.

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