Roger Should Have Said Yes: Four Screenplays

Roger Should Have Said Yes: Four Screenplays

by Jack Fitzgerald


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Seasoned screenwriter, playwright, and script doctor Jack Fitzgerald knows the sting of rejection all too well. In Roger Should Have Said Yes, he shares details of his personal journey as he attempted to sell screenplays in Hollywood, along with four unproduced screenplays that leave it up to others to decide whether they are "yes" or "no" people.

Screenplays included in the anthology include Piece of Cake, in which a young prostitute reinvents her life on South Beach in Miami; Bad Trip, which tells the story of a religious couple honeymooning in Hollywood who discover how quickly good can turn to bad; Pasadena, in which a poor family must immigrate to wealthy Pasadena during the early 1900s to save their child; and Cleo de Janeiro, in which a young band employs a ninety-five-year old hottie as their lead singer. Included at the end of each screenplay is a form that encourages individuals, book clubs, and budding screenplay writers to step into the shoes of a movie studio executive named Roger and provide positive or negative feedback.

In this anthology of screenplays, Jack Fitzgerald leaves his destiny in the hands of perfect strangers as they attempt to decide whether Roger Should Have Said Yes.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781475979213
Publisher: iUniverse, Incorporated
Publication date: 03/07/2013
Pages: 388
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.86(d)

Read an Excerpt

Roger Should Have Said Yes

Four Screenplays

By Jack Fitzgerald

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2013 Jack Fitzgerald
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-7921-3






Early evening and the PROSTITUTES are out. Among them is DARCY TEMPLETON, a pretty, young girl in her mid- twenties, She is getting a hot dog at a food stand. She is on the thin side, overly made up and airily dressed. She looks bored and impatiently waits for her hot dog. GLADYS, the woman who runs the stand notices her dreary attitude.

GLADYS: You're not looking well tonight, Darcy. Headache? Constipation?

DARCY: Would you put some chili on that?

GLADYS: Sure. You ought not look so sad, Darcy.

DARCY: It's about the only luxury I can afford.

(GLADYS serves her the hot dog and takes her money.)

GLADYS: If you're smart, you'll save a little back like I did for a rainy day.

DARCY: (taking her change) Is that the reason you call this place "The Rainy Day"?

GLADYS: Just being friendly, Darcy. When that pleasure palace you're operating between your legs peters out, even owning a hot dog stand will seem like the big time.

DARCY: I know, I know. You've told me a thousand times.

GLADYS: Are you saving anything?

DARCY: Yeah, saving my breath from trying to answer questions I don't know the answer to. (eating her hot dog) I've got a three-year-old kid to support, have to send my mother in Oklahoma something every month and keep my act together. How can I save anything after that?

(GLADYS nods semi-sympathetically as she takes an order for a hamburger from a MAN and starts cooking it. She waves to DARCY, who walks down the street eating her hot dog. She greets other hookers and eventually ends up out in front of a club called "The Safari Lounge". She props herself up against a wall and finishes off her hot dog while keeping an eye out for potential customers. She wipes her hands on a paper napkin, walks over to a garbage can and pitches the used napkin in with great flourish. SHEILA, a girl about her own age but a bit prettier, comes up in a taxi and gets out with a man in his mid-thirties who has a certain underworld suaveness about him.)

SHEILA: (spotting DARCY and coming over) Hi, Darcy. My, but don't you look cute tonight?

DARCY: Pretty is as pretty does.

SHEILA: Darcy, this is Joey.

(JOEY gives her a crooked grin.)

JOEY: Hi, Darcy. An outdoor girl, I take it.

DARCY: Between tricks. I haven't been discovered like Sheila here.

SHEILA: (laughing) I can guarantee you shaking my rumpus delecti in "The Safari Lounge" is definitely not the big time. That's where Joey comes in.

DARCY: (hardly interested) Yeah?

SHEILA: Guess what, Darcy? I'm going to be in a movie.

(DARCY perks up.)

DARCY: A real movie?

SHEILA: Shit, honey, the real thing.

(She notices DARCY'S look of longing.)

SHEILA: Say, Joey? You think there'd be a little part for Darcy? She's a good friend.

(JOEY eyes DARCY up and down and she is petrified. He smiles his crooked grin.)

JOEY: Sure. I think there might be something she can do.

(DARCY lights up like a Christmas tree. SHEILA hugs her.)

JOEY: What do you say we leave this cash rack, go inside for a drink and talk about your new Technicolor personalities?

(DARCY is stunned. SHEILA takes her by the arm and the three of them enter the Safari Lounge.)



A waitress brings over drinks to JOEY, SHEILA and DARCY. JOEY pulls out a hundred-dollar bill, pays and tips heavily. A GIRL is on a slight stage behind the bar dancing; She is doing as well as she can being that one leg is in a cast and all the customers insist on autographing it. The traffic is pretty dense in the place.

SHEILA: (excitedly) I'll sure be glad to kiss this place good-bye.

(She leans over and gives JOEY a lingering kiss. DARCY begins feeling out of place. When SHEILA comes up for air, DARCY speaks.)

DARCY: I'm real pleased for you, Sheila, but you know I can't hang around in here too long. I've got to get back out—

(She stops as though she doesn't know how to phrase it.)

JOEY: (looking DARCY up and down) To the street? That's what I like about you, Darcy. That look of innocence you've got.

SHEILA: (protecting her territory) Her? (laughing) They don't call her Little Miss Pavement Princess for nothing. You should see her eyes light up when money passes hands.

(DARCY tries to change the subject.)

DARCY: I'd like to hear a little about the film you mentioned.

SHEILA: (without a smile) It's porno. I have one of the dramatic leads, meaning the leading man fucks me.

DARCY: (to SHEILA) And me?

(SHEILA senses that she has put DARCY in her place enough to be friendly again.)

SHEILA: (smiling) How do I know, sugar? Ask the man.

(JOEY looks at a frightened DARCY and then gives her a half crooked grin.)

JOEY: Ever done porno, Darcy?


JOEY: That's okay. You'll do just fine. That street drama school you're attending makes you a hot ticket for this kind of work.

DARCY: Do I get paid?

JOEY: (laughing slightly) Sure you do.

SHEILA: What's her part in the movie. Joey?

JOEY: (studying Darcy) I think I'll use her as the young virgin who gets raped by the 400-pound sumo wrestler.

SHEILA: Oh, Darcy, you'll be a scream in that scene.

DARCY: This picture won't get showed in Oklahoma, will it?

JOEY: I doubt it. We go for the big arty markets, Darcy—not the cabbage crowd.

SHEILA: (noticing the crippled pole dancer finishing her set) I see dilapidated Ruby is about to wobble off stage. That means I'm up next. I guess you've got to get back to work, too, huh, Darcy?

DARCY: (taking the hint by getting up) Oh, yeah, that's right. I'd better be going.

JOEY: Sheila will let you know the shooting date and everything. Glad to have you aboard, Darcy.

DARCY: (quietly smiling) I really appreciate this opportunity. I want to thank both of you for giving it to me. (leaving but turning around quickly) By the way, what's the name of this film?

JOEY: (with his crooked grin) "Little Orphan Anus."



DARCY leaves the club and joins the other prostitutes on the street. She runs into a black prostitute by the name of MARGO. DARCY is in an up mood and looks cheerful. They begin walking together.

MARGO: How's tricks?

DARCY: Why should I care? I'm about to get into the movies.

MARGO: Oh, yeah? Doing what?

DARCY: Acting.

MARGO: You mean fucking.

DARCY: Something like that. But I just know it's my big break.

MARGO: Just make sure that big break is with porno and not the D. A.'s office. How many times you been busted, Darcy?

DARCY: About a dozen, I guess. I don't see why the cops waste their time. Turk gets us out in a half hour.

MARGO: Yeah, and that's why he gets so much and we get so little of what we rake in.

DARCY: You think doing porno is okay, don't you.

MARGO: Don't know. Never tried it. One thing I do know, you're on your own in that racket and you'd better have your eyes wide open.

(They continue walking down the street.)


JOEY and an ASSISTANT are setting up a camera shot. Nearby SHEILA is preening herself in a portable dressing room mirror. She is wearing a revealing full-length negligee. DARCY is in a corner near a makeshift make-up table that also shares as prop and costume area. FREDERICK, the make-up man, a pleasant person in his early thirties, is preparing DARCY for her role. Sitting in a chair near the camera is CINDERELLA, a heavily made-up woman in her forties who is obviously the star of the attraction. She has a vicious look about her. SHEILA strolls over to where CINDERELLA is.

SHEILA: (gushing to CINDERELLA) I'm so pleased to be working in a film with you, Cinderella.

CINDERELLA: (looking her over) Is that right?

SHEILA: Yes, I've seen all your films. I especially liked "Grope Therapy".

CINDERELLA: So did the. D. A. In fact, he told the judge there wasn't a dry fly in the house.

SHEILA: I just can't believe I'm going to be in a movie.

CINDERELLA: (looking her up and down) Neither can I.

(She dismisses SHEILA with an unfriendly look. SHEILA goes back over to the mirror for reassurance. JOEY walks over to the camera, checks things through the viewfinder and calls his assistant over. FREDERICK is finishing up with DARCY.)

JOEY: I want to get this in one take. How's the lighting in that hallway area?

ASSISTANT: If that's where the rape scene takes place, then I should refocus a couple of the lights. I could use the zoom and not have to intercut. That would save time, which is money.

JOEY: Then by all means, let's do the zoom. We don't want to be here all night.

CINDERELLA: (looking up at JOEY) Who's your charming friend over there?

JOEY: (hardly noticing) Which friend? I've got so many.

CINDERELLA: The one having a love affair with the mirror. Looks like she's got the combination to your safe—38-24-34.

JOEY: (noticing she's talking about SHEILA) Okay, Cinderella, let's keep that Cobra Lady routine of yours on the other side of the camera.

(She shrugs her shoulders. He yells over to FEDERICK.)

JOEY: Frederick? How we doing over there? About finished?

FREDERICK: (yelling back) Yeah, Karma Miranda is about ready to sprout wings—as soon as I finish bulletproofing her hair.

(He blasts DARCY with another round of hairspray and then stands back and looks at the finished product. He has her stand. She is dressed in a middy-blouse uniform with a wide –brim straw hat. She is wearing Buster Brown shoes and is carrying a small suitcase.)

JOEY: Where's Horny?

FREDERICK: In the throne room stuffing his junk into that Goodyear jock strap.

(JOEY and the ASSISTANT begin getting the setup ready for the shoot. DARCY is very nervous and at the same time excited.)

DARCY: You called me Karma Miranda. Is that the part I'm playing?

FREDERICK: No, it's your movie star name. You see, if the D. A. raids us, you don't want him asking for your autograph under your real name. Got it?

DARCY: I think so. But my real name is Darcy Templeton. What about Frederick? Is that a made-up name?

FREDERICK: No, it's real. We make-up queens don't have the same problems as you stars.

DARCY: So that's why that woman over there goes by the name of Cinderella?

FREDERICK: You got it! Actually her real name is Carlotta Carwash.

DARCY: (looking over at the unfriendly woman) Why would she be called Cinderella?

FREDERICK: Because her face falls off at midnight. What brings you to the nude tinsel business?

DARCY: Just luck I guess.

FREDERICK: The story of my life too. All luck. Now, I think they want you over there. Leave my make-up stool a nobody and return a star.

DARCY: (smiling) I'll do my best.

(She walks over to the camera area. She is rather ill at ease when she approaches Cinderella.)

CINDERELLA: Well, well, what do we have here? A virgin? First porn?

DARCY: Yes, and I hope I'll be good. Pornos are movies too, aren't they?

CINDERELLA: Yes, but the difference is we are offering vice to the love worn. You a hooker?

(DARCY doesn't know what to say but nods yes after a second or two.)

CINDERELLA: Save that innocent look for the camera. You'll need it.

(She gives DARCY a cold, dismissive look. Darcy moves away from her. HORNY, a huge, bald-headed, 400-pound man, comes out of the bathroom. He is wearing a security uniform. He nods to FREDERICK to come over and checks him out. JOEY sees that HORNY is on the set and waves him to come up to the camera area as soon as FREDERICK checks him over. JOEY waves everybody to join him at the camera. Once everyone is assembled, he speaks.)

JOEY: Okay, listen up. I want to go over this just once and do it all in one take. Sheila, you're not in this scene so you can watch from over there. Darcy, you are inexperienced in movie making but 1'm counting on you to give us some great moments. Okay, let's set the positions. Darcy, you are an Orphan who is trying to escape the orphanage. You will come out that door over there and tiptoe toward the front door. You almost get there but Cinderella, who plays the evil Directress, discovers you and then punishes you. Horny has been watching hidden over there. He gets so passionate that he pulls off his uniform and is standing in your way only wearing a big jock strap. He then jumps you and begins raping you. At first you fight and scream. Then you give in to natural passion and this is where you start letting us see what you can really do in the fucking business. I'm counting on you, Darcy. Do you think you can pull this off?

DARCY: I'll give it everything I have. Oh, do I have any lines?

JOEY: No lines. Let your emotions take over. Just raw fucking. So, everybody, let's do it. Positions, please.

(EVERYBODY gets in their positions. CINDERELLA takes off her robe. She is wearing a Merry Widow costume. She picks up her cat of nine tails and practices with it. Once the ACTORS are in their positions, JOEY is ready to shoot.)

JOEY: Action! (He gives DARCY a signal to begin.)

(DARCY begins tiptoeing toward the front door. All of a sudden CINDERELLA bursts upon the scene and has a vicious look on her face.)

CINDERELLA: Ah, my pretty! You would leave The Debonair Academy without saying good-bye to us? I see I should have been stricter with you.

(DARCY is truly caught off guard by CINDERELLA'S appearance. She is more surprised when CINDERELLA begins whipping her with the cat of nine tails. The stinging makes DARCY cry out in pain. CINDERELLA laughs viciously and leaves the scene. HORNY rips off his uniform and pummels DARCY to the floor. He rips off her clothes, which are stage costumes so they come completely off with very little effort on his part. He takes off his jock strap and begins having sex with her. She screams and hollows for real. Everyone who is looking on seems pleased with how things are going. At that moment, the outside door of the studio flies open and several UNIFORMED MEN come in quickly.)

MAN: (holding a piece of paper in the air) Freeze! Search and seizure warrant. All of you are under arrest.

(CINDERELLA tries to slip out but is detained by a VICE OFFICER. HORNY is so into his role that he continues pumping until some VICE OFFICERS beat him off of DARCY. She looks at them, not knowing if it's part of the film or not. A VICE OFFICER puts restraints on everybody in the room. DARCY does her best to cover her nakedness. As she is doing so, JOEY is led past her.)

JOEY: (with his crooked grin and a wink) Great work, Darcy.


A few days later, a frightened looking DARCY is among a group of detainees being brought into the visitation room. She sees MARGO waiting. She smiles with relief and goes running over and sits down on her side of the wire divider opposite MARGO.

DARCY: Thank goodness you came.

MARGO: (smiling warmly) It's nice to be appreciated. How you doing, babe?

DARCY: I'm terrified of this place.

MARGO: Me, too. I never thought I'd be coming here as a visitor.

DARCY: Do you have any news for me?

MARGO: Yeah, all bad.

(DARCY slumps.)

MARGO: Honey, I'm real upset they slammed you. I'm also disappointed that I have to be the one who lays the blues on you. Hey, girl? Look up at me! You still alive and that counts for something.

DARCY: (looks up and tries to smile) I sure appreciate your coming, Margo. Bad news or not, It shows you're my friend.

MARGO: Now that's better. Okay, so here we go with the armpit report. First of all, Turk says as far as he's concerned your pussy card has expired. He says you deserve getting your ass run over by the welcome wagon. Fine man, that Turk.

DARCY: (stunned) You mean he's not going to post bail?

MARGO: That's a rough translation.

DARCY: What about Sheila? Have you spoken with her?

MARGO: She split.

DARCY: Who posted her bail?

MARGO: I don't do tea leaves, honey, but I imagine she and your film friends are long gone from Miami by now. And I bet the scumbags didn't even pay you, did they?

(DARCY slumps. She nods in agreement and begins to cry.)

MARGO: Stop with the tears, Darcy. I learned long ago they don't help the situation.

DARCY: But it's all so unfair.

MARGO: Sure it is, but you've got to buck it somehow.

DARCY: What am I going to do?

MARGO: Time, I imagine.

(DARCY becomes rigid. She looks directly at MARGO.)

DARCY: Can't you help get me out of here, Margo?

MARGO: Frankly no. I figure it'd take about eight-hundred dollars to spring you from this turkey farm. I just don't have that kind of cash.

Excerpted from Roger Should Have Said Yes by Jack Fitzgerald. Copyright © 2013 by Jack Fitzgerald. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc..
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