Now That You're Out: The Challenges and Joys of Living as a Gay Man

Now That You're Out: The Challenges and Joys of Living as a Gay Man

by Martin Kantor MD


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This book is an invaluable resource manual and survival guide for gay men who often turn to peers, parents, educators, or the media for direction, only to encounter misleading myths about gay life, such as the notion that "coming out solves everything."

For some gay men being homosexual is often anything but "gay." What are typically assumed to be "gay attributes" are often not characteristics of being gay but symptoms of common emotional disorders in gay men.

In this insightful book, longtime psychiatrist Martin Kantor—who is himself a gay man and has been in a committed relationship for 27 years—documents the issues associated with coming out and the challenges of gay relationships, including friendship, marriage, "getting dumped," and sexuality, with unflinching and honest candor. He also addresses the emotional problems and pervasive sense of loneliness that frequently haunt gay men while examining subcultural issues which exist within the gay community, including ageism. Other topics include developing a gay lifestyle (being gay in a certain way), parental relationships, issues of midlife and aging, and therapy and self-help options for gay men who feel they need it.

• Contains a bibliography of useful sources and further reading

• Provides a glossary of important terms

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780313387517
Publisher: ABC-CLIO, Incorporated
Publication date: 06/02/2011
Pages: 235
Product dimensions: 6.20(w) x 9.30(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Martin Kantor, MD, is a full-time author and Harvard-trained psychiatrist who has been in full private practice in Boston and New York City, and active in residency training programs at hospitals including Massachusetts General, Boston, MA, and Beth Israel, New York, NY.

Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Part I Gay Life

1 Coming Out 3

2 Lifestyle 17

3 Relationships 31

4 Sex and Sexuality 58

5 The Paraphilias 83

6 Identity/Disorders of Identity 102

7 Midlife and Beyond: Aging and Ageism 108

8 You and Your Parents 117

Part II Overcoming Emotional Problems

9 Emotional Disorder in Gay Men 127

10 Substance Abuse 145

11 Shame, Guilt, and Low Self-Esteem 151

12 Suicide 167

Part III Therapy

13 Getting Professional Help 187

Appendix: Origins 209

Notes 215

Index 219

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