Now That He's Out: The Challenges and Joys of Having a Gay Son

Now That He's Out: The Challenges and Joys of Having a Gay Son

by Martin Kantor MD


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Written by a longtime psychiatrist who is himself gay, this unique guide will help parents deal with discovering they have a gay son, allowing them to more comfortably "come out of their closet as their son comes out of his."

This is the first book to focus on the parents of gay sons and the mixed feelings they may have following a son's revelation that he is gay. On the one hand, parents want to be honest and open both about and with their son. On the other, they sometimes wish to cover up or ignore their son's sexuality—then are ashamed of themselves for feeling that way. The goal of this book is to enable parents to come to terms with such complex emotions so they can enjoy a genuine, positive relationship with a gay son.

Using examples from the author's psychiatric practice and from his interactions with friends and relatives with gay sons, the first section of the book discusses the issues parents face, or think they will face, raising a gay son. The second part analyzes the causes of problems, while the third provides "therapy" devoted to helping parents manage and resolve negative or contradictory feelings and uncertainty. A bonus chapter suggests ways gay sons can help their parents parent them in a supportive, mutually beneficial way.

• Explores ways parents can deal with negative, often-secret thoughts about having and parenting a gay son

• Helps parents of gay sons see factual distortions they need to revise, misunderstandings they need to correct, and neurotic notions that need undoing

• Includes revealing and instructive vignettes from parents and sons who have been the author's patients, personal friends, and acquaintances

• Recommends steps to be taken by parents based on time-tested and proven psychological principles

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781440802614
Publisher: ABC-CLIO, Incorporated
Publication date: 05/09/2013
Pages: 238
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.30(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Martin Kantor, MD, is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist who has been in full private practice in Boston and New York City.

Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Part I Coming Out for Mom and Dad

Chapter 1 Responding to Disclosure 3

Chapter 2 Debunking Myths about Having a Gay Son 25

Chapter 3 Overcoming Common Emotional Problems Parents Have Due to Having a Gay Son 48

Part II Family Processes

Chapter 4 Family Healing 63

Chapter 5 Sibling Homophobia 74

Chapter 6 Impression Management: Dealing with Overconcern about What Others Think 82

Chapter 7 Reducing Guilt/Dealing with Criticism 88

Chapter 8 Communing with Your Son 100

Chapter 9 Handling a Difficult/Defiant Gay Son 115

Chapter 10 Handling an Emotionally Troubled Adolescent Gay Son 127

Chapter 11 Establishing Boundaries/Setting Limits 143

Part III Therapy

Chapter 12 Indications for Seeking Treatment/An Overview of Therapy 159

Chapter 13 The Psychodynamic Approach 170

Chapter 14 The Cognitive Approach 178

Chapter 15 The Interpersonal Approach 198

Chapter 16 Other Therapeutic Approaches 215

Chapter 17 Advice for Gay Sons 222

Notes 229

Index 233

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Now That He's Out: The Challenges and Joys of Having a Gay Son 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Now that He is out: the Challenges and Joys of Having a Gay Son is one of the most beautifully written books I have ever read. The richness of ideas and information in this book give readers from both sides of the family dynamic the morale support they need to come to terms with the entire spectrum of feelings surrounding the announcement of a son that he is gay. Dr. Kantor explores the causes of common parental reactions, and suggests ways to achieve mutual understanding, richer relationships, and personal growth for both parents and son. Even if this subject does not apply to your own situation, this book would make an amazing and thoughtful gift for anyone who does have a gay son. Highly recommended!