Table of Contents
Acknowledgments i
How to Use this Book iii
Introduction: There Are Only Five Problems in Marriage 3
Problem #1 Ignoring Needs
Overview 9
Marital Intelligence Test 15
Becoming a Loving Husband 18
Honor 18
Understanding 19
Security 21
Building Unity 23
Agreement 25
Nurture 27
Defender 33
Becoming a Loving Wife 35
Respect 36
Adaptation 38
Domestic Leadership 40
Intimacy 42
Companionship 44
Attractive Soul and Body 46
Listening 48
Summary of the Problem of Ignoring Needs 52
Problem #2 Immature Behaviors
Overview 57
SAD Behaviors 60
Marital Intelligence Test 62
Typical Immature Behaviors 65
The Consequences of Immature Behaviors 79
Eight Solutions to Immature Behaviors 80
Solution #1 Stop Acting in Immature Ways 80
Solution #2 Make Real Apologies 81
Solution #3 Have Alignment Conversations 85
Solution #4 Thoughtful Requests 87
Solution #5 Add More Love 89
Solution #6 Change an Immature Behavior 91
Solution #7 Confrontational/Clarifying Conversation 94
Solution #8 Patience and a Change of Focus 96
Immature Behaviors Inventory 98
Summary of the Problem of Immature Behaviors 99
Problem #3 Clashing Temperaments
Overview 103
Marital Intelligence Test 107
Male and Female Characteristics 110
Temperament Assessments 118
Myers-Briggs Temperament Types 119
Four Ancient Temperament Types 126
Five Love Languages 131
Summary of the Problem of Clashing Temperaments 137
Problem #4 Competing Relationships
Overview 143
Marital Intelligence Test 147
Prioritized Relationships 150
The Big Three 155
Finances 155
Work/Career 162
Family/Children 166
Summary of the Problem of Competing Relationships 178
Problem #5 Past Baggage
Overview 183
Marital Intelligence Test: 185
Type 1 Victimization 188
Healing Abuse, Wounds, and Victimization 188
Steps to Forgiveness 191
Type 2 Family and Cultural Programming 203
Early Childhood Programming 205
Cultural Influences and Commandments 209
Type 3 Past Actions 213
Summary of the Problem of Past Baggage 220
Conclusion 225
Appendices
Appendix #1 Full Marital Intelligence Test 233
Appendix #2 Scoring the Full Marital Intelligence Test 245
Appendix #3 Recreational Companionship Ideas 247
End Notes 251
Bibliography 257
