Manslations: Decoding the Secret Language of Men

Manslations: Decoding the Secret Language of Men

by Sourcebooks

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Why doesn't my man get me flowers?
Easy - because flowers don't do anything cool.

Will I scare him off if I call him first?
No way. Well, not unless he's actually terrified of his phone, in which case you likely have bigger problems.

Why can't he just talk to me about our relationship?
Yeah . . . and how come a gazelle never waits around to see if that lion is friendly?

Men sometimes seem impossible to understand. But it turns out they're about as easy to read as coloring books - if you know what you're looking for. Manslations answers all these questions and more in this hilarious - and honest - guide to what men say, who they are, and why they behave the way they do.

"When that guy told you - within thirty seconds of introducing himself at the bar - that he drives a hybrid because he cares about the environment, the manslation is that he was trying to work his way into your bikini areas."

Manslations reveals the golden rule that helps you figure out what never to worry about (and what to lose sleep over), plus the two key questions that will help unlock the meaning behind even the most confusing male actions. Capped off by a man-to-woman phrasebook, this is the only relationship guide you'll ever need.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781402235054
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Publication date: 01/01/2009
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 240
File size: 743 KB

About the Author

Jeff Mac began a career in stand-up comedy at age 33. Within three years he was invited to perform his original standup on Comedy Centralís newest showcase program, Live at Gotham. Heís also worked in TV and radio as a voiceover artist. He lives in Brooklyn.

Read an Excerpt

MYTH: Men are afraid of commitment.
FACT: I have no idea what this one even means. I'll admit that men are afraid of committing to someone they don't want to be with. But, um, isn't everyone? Seems like sort of a healthy fear, like the ones we have of "fire" or of "getting stuck in a conversation with your friend's boring grandfather."

MYTH: If I contact him after a date, I might scare him off.
FACT: Unless you are dating a small woodland creature, or someone with a serious anxiety disorder that makes him poop himself every time his phone rings, this is just flat-out not true, and never, never happens. Ever. If he doesn't like you after you contact him, he didn't like you before either.

MYTH: I shouldn't have to tell him what I'm thinking.
FACT: You only have to tell him what you're thinking if you want him to ever, ever know.

MYTH: I can change him, and he'll be so much happier.

FACT: Not unless you're talking about his diaper. (In which case, you are very correct.) You want a guy you really want, as opposed to a guy you don't want but are pretty sure you can somehow Frankenstein into a guy you want. (Don't you have enough to do throughout the day?)

MYTH: If a man doesn't cry, it means he's not in touch with his feelings.
FACT: If a man doesn't cry, it means that he is not experiencing an emergency situation.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Welcome to Manslations

Chapter 1. Basic Manslations Theory, or The Stuff You Don't Know
Chapter 2. Of Myths and Men, or Stuff You Don't Even Know You Don't Know
Chapter 3. The Notorious S.E.X., or Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here
Chapter 4. First Date Dos and Don'ts, or You're Not Wearing That, Are You?
Chapter 5. Post-Date Debriefing and Aftermath, or Sitting at Home Freaking Out
Chapter 6. Men and Their Things, or Sometimes a Remote Is Just a Remote
Chapter 7. Having "The Talk," or How to Communicate with a Man without Causing Him to Exit via the Fire Escape
Chapter 8. Manslating Literature, TV, and the Movies, or Why Nobody in the Real World Ends Up with McDreamy
Chapter 9. Twelve Months of Holiday Confusion, Solved
Chapter 10. Manslations to the Top Thirteen Male Conundrums, or Real-Life Problems Crushed to Dust by the Power of Manslation
Chapter 11. Final Thoughts, or Is That All There Is?

Glossary: The Phrase Book

About the Author

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