She writes about her parents, putting down roots in their twenties in the farming town of Wellsville, Kansas, Old Glory flying atop the poles on the town’s manicured lawns, and being raised to believe that hard work, honesty, and determination would take her far.
She writes of making up her mind at a young age to become a country music star, knowing then that her feelings and crushes on girls were “sinful” and hoping and praying that she would somehow be “fixed.” (“Dear God, please don’t let me be gay. I promise not to lie. I promise not to steal. I promise to always believe in you . . . Please take it away.”)
We see her, high school homecoming queen, heading out on her own at seventeen and landing a job as a featured vocalist on the Ozark Jubilee (the show that started Brenda Lee, Red Foley, and Porter Wagoner), being cast in Country Music U.S.A., doing four live shows a day, and—after only a few months in Nashville—her dream coming true, performing on the stage of the Grand Ole Opry . . .
She describes writing and singing her own songs for producers who’d discovered and recorded the likes of Reba McEntire, Shania Twain, and Toby Keith, who heard in her music something special and signed her to a record contract, releasing her first album and sending her out on the road on her first bus tour . . . She writes of sacrificing all for a shot at success that would come a couple of years later with her first hit single, “Shut Up And Drive” . . . her songs (from her fourth album, Single White Female) climbing the Billboard chart for twenty-nine weeks, hitting the #1 spot . . .
She writes about the friends she made along the way—Vince Gill, Brad Paisley, and others—writing songs, recording and touring together, some of the friendships developing into romantic attachments that did not end happily . . . Keeping the truth of who she was clutched deep inside, trying to ignore it in a world she longed to be a part of—and now was—a world in which country music stars had never been, could not be, openly gay . . .
She writes of the very real prospect of losing everything she’d worked so hard to create . . . doing her best to have a real life—her best not good enough . . .
And in the face of everything she did to keep herself afloat, she writes about how the vortex of success and hiding who she was took its toll: her life, a tangled mess she didn’t see coming, didn’t want to; and, finally, finding the guts to untangle herself from the image of the country music star she’d become, an image steeped in long-standing ideals and notions about who—and what—a country artist is, and what their fans expect them to be . . .
I am a songwriter,” she writes. “I am a singer of my songs—and I have a story to tell. As I’ve traveled this path that has delivered me to where I am today, my monument of thanks, paying honor to God, remains. I will do all I can with what I have been given . . .”
Like Me is fearless, inspiring, true.
|Publisher:||Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group|
|Sold by:||Random House|
|File size:||5 MB|
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
“It has been twenty-eight days since she last spoke to me. How can she not call or reach out in some way? I have no idea if I’m going crazy or if I’m already there. Is this what it feels like?
I’m afraid of the thoughts that I’m having. My only relief is when I’m sleeping . . . When I am able to get rest, I risk dreaming of her. The dreams are happy ones, but then I wake and feel the truth bearing down on me . . .
I go upstairs and locate a loaded 9-millimeter handgun. It is heavier than I remember.
I say a prayer to God to forgive me and to understand why I can’t go on anymore like this. I beg God to realize that I will never be able to fit into the life that I’ve created, that I will never be accepted.
I pick up the gun and put the end of it in my mouth. It’s cold. I hold it steady and get my right thumb on the trigger and prepare to pull it by pushing it outward.
I close my eyes . . . thumb still on the trigger.
My mind is going a million miles an hour. I think of my family, my dogs, my friends, my fans, the sun, a kiss from Julia, and music.
Then I hear a noise.
It is the sound of my heart pounding in my head . . .”
Table of Contents
The Prayer 3
Learning to Hide 13
"House of the Rising Sun" 20
Let Me Sing for You 35
Salisbury Steak, Please 39
The Boy on a Tractor 41
The Ozark Jubilee 46
Opryland USA, 1989 51
Scared Straight 66
My First Recording Contract, 1993 75
A Dream Come True 84
The Thin Line 87
We Found a Way 91
All-American Girl 93
"But Didn't She Date What's-His-Name?" 102
"Single White Female" 105
Knee-Deep in a River and Dying of Thirst 113
The Slow Climb 117
All the Way to Memphis 124
Bites and Stings 126
Love Is Love 134
In My Own Home 136
"Hard to Be a Husband, Hard to Be a Wife" 141
Try, Try Again 155
Beautiful People 156
Mice Don't Speak 159
From Sea to Shining Sea 164
Back to the Desert 176
My Sister, Jeny 182
A Great American 185
Steel on Steel: Master Sergeant Wright 194
Don't Ask, Don't Tell 197
Hannity and Wright 201
Love Everybody 207
Moving Out 213
My Dad 222
The Boy Scouts of America 229
Run, Jeny, Run 232
Down on My Knees 239
Keep Your Friends Close, and Your Enemies Closer 244
One of My Angels 249
A Million to One 251
My Mom, My Brother, and Others 265
Where Do I Fit In? 269
Hate Crimes Are Down? 272
Turning the Page 274
Learning to Say Good-bye 278
State of the Union 281