Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography

Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography

by Lemony Snicket

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A Warning from the Publisher:

Many readers have questions about Lemony Snicket, author of the distressing serial concerning the trials of the charming but unlucky Baudelaire orphans, published under the collective title A Series of Unfortunate Events. Before purchasing, borrowing, or stealing this book, you should be aware that it contains the answers to some of those questions, such as the following:

1. Who is Lemony?

2. Is there a secret organization I should know about?

3. Why does Lemony Snicket spend his time researching and writing distressing books concerning the Baudelaire orphans?

4. Why do all of Lemony Snicket's books contain a sad dedication to a woman named Beatrice?

5. If there's nothing out there, what was that noise?

Our advice to you is that you find a book that answers less upsetting questions than this one. Perhaps your librarian, bookseller, or parole officer can recommend a book that answers the question, "Aren't ponies adorable?"

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780062188083
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 06/12/2012
Series: A Series of Unfortunate Events
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 240
Sales rank: 554,441
File size: 27 MB
Note: This product may take a few minutes to download.
Age Range: 9 - 12 Years

About the Author

Lemony Snicket had an unusual education which may or may not explain his ability to evade capture. He is the author of the 13 volumes in A Series of Unfortunate Events, several picture books including The Dark, and the books collectively titled All The Wrong Questions.


Snicket is something of a nomad. Handler lives in San Francisco, California.

Date of Birth:

February 28, 1970

Place of Birth:

Handler was born in San Francisco in 1970, and says Snicket's family has roots in a land that's now underwater.


Handler is a 1992 graduate of Wesleyan University in Connecticut.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Why was Mr. Snicket's death published in the newspaper?


“All the News in Fits of Print”
Obituary Page

Lemony Snicket, author of A Series of Unfortunate Events, the purportedly true chronicles of the Baudelaire children, was reported dead today by anonymous and possibly unreliable sources. His age was given as “tall, with brown eyes.” One of three children, he leaves no known survivors.

Born on a cattle farm rather than in a hospital, Snicket had a promising scholarly career in his youth, beginning with a job as a theatrical critic -- in all senses of the word -- for this very newspaper, followed by the publication of several promising anthropomorphic treatises, a word which here means “very long reports.” This period of professional contentment -- and, allegedly, unrequited love -- ended when news of his involvement with V.F.D. and the accompanying scandal was reported in this newspaper and at least one other.

Mr. Snicket became a fugitive from justice and was rarely seen in public, and then usually from the back. Several manhunts -- and, due to a typographical error, womanhunts -- proved fruitless. At last their story, and his, appear to be over.

As no one seems to know when, where, how, and why he died, there will be no funeral services. A burial may be scheduled later this year.

Note to file:

I have arrived early at the harbor and still have a few minutes before the Prospero is scheduled to appear, so I thought I might jot down a few notes concerning the news of my death, which wasalarming but not true. I am, as of half-past four this afternoon, still alive, and was most certainly alive the day I sat at the Café Kafka with my afternoon tea and read my obituary in the newspaper.

The Daily Punctilio has never been a reliable newspaper: not when I worked there as part of an undercover assignment, not when that terrible reporter began to write about the Baudelaire case, and not when they advertised a sale on three-piece suits a few days ago, at a store that turned out to sell nothing but Indian rugs. Unlike a reliable newspaper, which bases its articles on facts, The Daily Punctilio bases its articles on innuendo, a word which here means “people who call up newspapers and tell them things that aren't necessarily true.”

The only thing that turned out to be true about my obituary was the last sentence, and this morning I had the curious experience of attending my own burial. To my astonishment, quite a crowd showed up for the event -- mostly people who had believed the earlier stories about me in The Daily Punctilio, and wanted to be sure that a notorious criminal was indeed dead. The crowd stood very quietly, seeming scarcely to move or even breathe, as if the news of their deaths had also been printed in the newspaper. I stood outside, shielding my face beneath an umbrella, as my coffin was carried into a long, black car, and the only sound I could hear was the mechanical click! of someone operating a camera.

Sometimes, when you are reading a book you are enjoying very much, you begin thinking so hard about the characters and the story that you might forget all about the author, even if he is in grave danger and would very much appreciate your help. The same thing can happen if you are looking at a photograph. You might think so hard about whatever is in the photograph that you forget all about the person behind the camera. Luckily, this did not happen to me, and I managed to take note of the person in the crowd who took the picture you probably have in this file. The photographer is standing in the seventh row of the crowd, twelfth from the left-hand side. As you can see, the person has hidden his or her camera behind the person standing eleventh from the left-hand side. That is why I am waiting here at this fogged-in harbor, in order to...

The Prospero has arrived, so I will stop writing and file these notes with my letter, written so many years ago, to Professor Patton concerning inaccuracies regarding my birth. It makes me sad to think that my whole life, from the cradle to the grave, is full of errors, but at least that will not happen to the Baudelaires.

From the desk of Lemony Snicket

Dr. Charley Patton
Adjunct Professor, Folk Song Department
Scriabin Institute for Accuracy in Music

Dear Professor Patton,

It was with much relief that I received your letter concerning the folk ballad “The Little Snicket Lad.” As you note, it is one of the most popular ballads of the region, and I have often heard it played in theaters, inns, and grocery stores whenever I am visiting, usually accompanied by an accordion. Though the tune is pleasant, the song is not an otherwise fair representation of my childhood, and I welcome the opportunity to correct at last the inaccuracies in the lyrics.

Please forgive the informality of my response -- I have merely typed some brief notes to the lyrics you have sent me. I am preparing to be married at present, so I do not have time for the lengthy, scholarly report I usually write in cases like this.

The Little Snicket Lad

Verse One:

On a charming little cattle farm
Near a pretty deadly lake,
Was a very pregnant woman,
And her husband, known as Jake.

Though they lived in a big mansion,
Down Robber Road a tad,
It was at the farm the lady
Bore the little Snicket lad....

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Lemony Snicket. Copyright © by Lemony Snicket. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.


The Afflicted Author: The Queasy Queries

Q. Are you a real person?

A. Yes.

Q. Is "Lemony Snicket" your pen name?

A. No. My pen's name is Alphonse.

Q. Where did you get the idea for A Series of Unfortunate Events?

A. By carefully researching the lives of the Baudelaire orphans.

Q. Are the stories real?

A. The stories are as real as I am.

Q. What will happen to the Baudelaire children next?

A. I cannot bear to tell you.

Q. When will the next installment of A Series of Unfortunate Events appear in bookstores?

A. Hopefully never. Although I have sworn to research every last detail of the miserable lives of the Baudelaires, I cannot imagine why booksellers would want to place these wretched tales on their shelves. In fact, to my horror, booksellers will be only too glad to tell you when the next installment will arrive.

Q. How many installments will there be in A Series of Unfortunate Events?

A. Early research indicates that the story will be contained in 13 volumes.

Q. Is Count Olaf still at large?

A. What a dreadful question. Unfortunately the answer is just as dreadful. In fact it is so dreadful I can only answer it in Spanish: Sí.

Q. Who is Beatrice?

A. That is the most dreadful question of all, and the answer is so terrible that I cannot even begin to say it without weeping. O Beatrice! My Beatrice!

Q. There, there. I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Would you like a cup of tea?

A. If it's not too much trouble.

Customer Reviews

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Lemony Snicket 4.7 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 107 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I am in fifth grade and this is my favorite book series. I am on the last book and so far it is exquisite!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is the best book I have read in the series of unfortante events! 5 stars!
Guest More than 1 year ago
The book I am reviewing is Lemony Snicket: the Unauthorized Autobiography. The book is written by Lemony Snicket. I give this book five stars because I think this book is an amazing story. This story is about a man who is supposed to be dead. He is a secret agent who is writing letters to other secret agents and giving them costumes to help them escape out of institutes. When the secret agents write these letters, in some of them there are secret messages. I¿d recommend this book to all my friends. Other books by this author include The Bad Beginning which is about these three kids who lose their house in a bad house fire and have to live with an uncle that they have never heard of before. If you want to find out more, read this book!
Pollifax on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I liked it although it was a little hard to follow at times and it would also be helpful if I could read his hand wrting for his notes it might make things make more sense but I do like how he writes like when he says ...a phrase which here means... that i find to be entertaining
flexatone on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Delightful mumbo jumbo about secret! The truth is out there and it is running away from you.
PennHumphrey on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I liked the A Series of Unfortunate Events, but this book was very hard to follow sometimes. It would be nice if I could read his hand writing because it was really hard to follow along. He did tell funny jokes in his book, but very hard to understand the book.
aethercowboy on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Lemony Snicket, while not a true person, is a true character. His life is wrought with disappointment, as all the lives of his subjects. For some reason, this makes his books all the more appealing to people whose biggest problem is they got the smaller slice of pizza or stubbed their toe when walking into the next room. At least they don¿t have vicious arsonists dogging their every step, murdering and burning all that stands between the villain and the unwarranted fortune of his pursuit. It¿s a matter of perspective.Nevertheless, Lemony Snicket, in his Unauthorized Autobiography, presents several clues, possibly misleading, as to the more unanswered questions presented in his works (though, not to the ultimate unasked question). He gives more insight into who he is, who the villains are, and more information about his secret organization, such that, presented alongside the Series of Unfortunate Events and the Beatrice Letters, begins to unravel at least the first bit of tangles.The book may not be for all, especially for those who have not read the Series of Unfortunate Events, or have little interest in delving deeper into the story. This book and the Beatrice Letters are to the Series of Unfortunate Events as Arthur Spiderwick¿s Field Guide to the Fantasical World Around You is to the Spiderwick Chronicles, purely supplementary, and only worth the time of fans of the series.While this and other supplements to the Series of Unfortunate Events do provide some answers to questions, they provide even more questions in among themselves. My hope, though, is that when we finally see All the Wrong Questions, Snicket¿s upcoming book, we also see a few right answers in the process.
TheCuriousCottage on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
When it came to A Series of Unfortunate Events, I could never get into the books, because I just didn't "get it"...until I read this book. The title caught my eye immediately and from there I started reading it out loud to the kids. I laughed so hard, I cried. After reading this, the series became one of my daughter's favorites. She has all of the books in her library and we loved the movie.
hippieJ on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This book is a little confusing so i recommend reading it after you've read all of his series of unfortunate events books. It's a great book about the author's life. however you must remember it still falls in fiction because lemony snicket is not a real person. just his fake name
JadeGordon on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
It was amusing, cute in jokes, but the index ended up being the most fun for me! Hidden jokes in the index!
readafew on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Ha! this book was humorous and full of 'in' jokes. It made me smile quite a bit. There was a lot of hidden clues and innuendo to things both that happened to the Baudelaire's, and the histories leading up to "The Bad Beginning". I would not recommend this book to anyone not already conversant (here meaning, having read most of the Unfortunate Events books) on the series as there would be absolutely nothing on which to connect the dots plotted randomly throughout the book. The book was mostly extra puzzle pieces which fit into the series but still there were quite a few more missing.Anyway a fun book for someone who has already read most of the other Unfortunate Events books and enjoyed them, filled with hints and clues and dead ends. Enough to make you weep.
Cecrow on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This was a fantastic, funny aside, very creative and amusing. I read it according to its publication date, between the 9th and 10th books of the Unfortunate Events series. Since it reflects back on the books up to that point, I strongly recommend this as the reading order.
Crowyhead on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This is a kick! I think I'll have to go back and re-read this once the series is over, and see if parts of it make more sense.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If you want to know, VFD stands for Volunteer Fire Department. We don't just put our fires, we protect people, help people, and prevent the evil from overcoming this world. Count Olaf betrayed us. He burned down the houses and headquarters of our associates. I believe that he is still at large. This is very important. Remember this. -Ellington Feint
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
WHO IS LEMONY SNICKET!!!!!!! Is he hidding his name and stuff?
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Who knew lemmony was the bautelairs dad i didnt so many things were explained a definate read
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
You need to have good comprehension skills or it might be a bit confusing
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read the seris and loved it devinitly love Lemonys books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :{)
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