His Porn, Her Pain: Confronting America's PornPanic with Honest Talk About Sex

His Porn, Her Pain: Confronting America's PornPanic with Honest Talk About Sex

by Marty Klein Ph.D.

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Overview

Written by an award-winning author and veteran sex therapist, this practical, innovative, and often passionate book addresses the explosion of pornography use, advises couples on defusing conflict about it, guides parents in helping their kids deal with it, advises people concerned about their use of it, and shows how honest talk about sex can resolve America's "porn panic."

When you first logged onto the Internet in the 1990s, did you ever wonder, "What do you suppose would happen if the United States were flooded with free, high-quality pornography?" We now know the answer, says Dr. Marty Klein, as this is exactly what took place 15 years ago.

Written by an award-winning author and veteran sex therapist, this practical, innovative, and often passionate book addresses the explosion of pornography use, advises couples on defusing conflict about it, guides parents in helping their kids deal with it, advises people concerned about their use of it, and shows how honest talk about sex can resolve America's "porn panic."

So what did happen when Internet porn flooded America? The rates of sexual assault, divorce, and child molestation declined. And yet various religious groups, politicians, some feminists, anti-trafficking activists, and many marriage counselors talk unceasingly about the damage porn viewing is doing to our society. They have created a "PornPanic" that has demonized the recreation of some 60 million Americans.

Americans are always ready for new reasons to feel guilty and ashamed of their sexuality, and Internet porn is the newest reason. Wives and girlfriends worry that they can't compete with it; teens use it as a misguided substitute for sex education, often disturbed by intense adults-only imagery; and psychologically vulnerable people get caught up in hours of compulsive porn surfing every night, feeling isolated and inadequate as a result.

Fortunately for his many readers, however, using clear reasoning, clinical expertise, and political savvy, Klein shows that for most people, porn is not the real problem. With the experience gained from 34 years of doing therapy—that's 35,000 sessions—Klein asks a simple but profound question: when we talk about porn, what are we really talking about?

This book eases readers' minds as Klein addresses common concerns and debunks common myths while identifying what we should be concerned about. Most importantly, the author explains how we can heal America's obsession with porn by engaging in honest talk about sex—something he knows is neither simple nor easy. The text includes sample conversations to help adults talk to each other about pornography, and suggestions for parents on how to talk to their kids about porn—healthy discussions to help their kids develop "Porn Literacy." This book offers honest, thorough, expert information desperately needed by a nation of people driven to panic about pornography.


• Provides the only book to discuss and resolve conflicts about pornography without demonizing porn or porn users

• Confronts a common source of conflict in marriage and anxiety in parenting—and presents innovative, practical ways to resolve these problems using down-to-earth language

• Shows why there's no such thing as "porn addiction," explains why it really matters what we call it, exposes the billion-dollar industry behind this failed concept, and offers real insight and hope for people concerned about their involvement with pornography

• Shows how new technologies are always adapted for sexual purposes—making the Internet's application to pornography a technology issue as much as a sexual issue

• Identifies—and corrects—the most common myths and junk science about pornography

• Describes the politics through which progressive feminists and the Religious Right have wound up in bed together opposing pornography—by re-branding porn from an immorality problem to a public health crisis

• Explains how America's lack of real sex education and frank talk from adults leaves young people looking at porn for sex information—and what they're actually learning from it

• Relieves parental anxiety with easy-to-follow advice on talking with kids about porn, including conversations about youth "sexting"

• Appeals to general readers: educators, psychologists, clergy, and social workers; and policymakers, scholars, students, and researchers in psychology, law, public policy, communications, and media studies

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781440852213
Publisher: ABC-CLIO, Incorporated
Publication date: 09/06/2016
Pages: 208
Sales rank: 295,937
Product dimensions: 6.10(w) x 9.20(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Marty Klein, PhD, has been a Certified Sex Therapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 34 years. He has written seven books about sexuality, including the recent Sexual Intelligence and the award-winning America's War On Sex.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

FAQs 1

Introduction. "What would happen if America were flooded with free, high-quality pornography?" 5

Part I Context

Chapter 1 Porn Explodes into America's Homes-Where People Are Very, Very Unprepared 11

Chapter 2 Moral Panics, Sex Panics, and PornPanic 17

Chapter 3 Updating the Panic-The Public Health/Danger Model 25

Part II Brief Interludes

Interlude A The Nature of Sexual Fantasy 37

Interlude B Deep in the Valley: Going to a Porn Shoot 43

Interlude C The Myth of Porn's Perfect Bodies 47

Interlude D Rule 34: What It Says About Your Sexuality 51

Interlude E No, Mabel, You Don't Have to Compete with Porn Actresses 53

Interlude F Guys: More Curiosity and More Empathy Needed 57

Interlude G Is There Such a Thing as Gay (or Straight) Porn? 61

Interlude H How to Watch a Lot of Porn and Have Good Partner Sex, Too 63

Interlude I Does Porn Demean Women? 65

Interlude J 45 Helpful Things You Can Learn from Porn 69

Part III About You and Yours

Chapter 4 Your Kids and Porn 75

Chapter 5 Sexting: Who Does It? How Docs It Affect Kids? 87

Chapter 6 Couples' Conflicts About Porn-Innovative Approaches 99

Case A Rachel & Jackson: Porn as Infidelity (or, You Thought It = You Did It) 115

Case B John & Bora: The Man Who Tried to Communicate Through Porn 123

Case C Jevon: The Man Who Tried to Organize the Internet 127

Chapter 7 How Does Porn Affect Consumers? 133

Chapter 8 If You're Concerned About Your Involvement with Porn 147

Chapter 9 Why There's No Such Thing as Porn Addiction-and Why It Matters 159

Chapter 10 Increasing Torn Literacy and Sexual Intelligence for Therapists, Doctors, and Clergy 175

Epilogue. A Complicated Consumer Product 185

Notes 189

Index 201

What People are Saying About This

Esther Perel

"Marty Klein is a keen social observer, a writer full of wit who challenges our misguided assumptions, and an astute therapist who helps couples delve into the thorny issues of love, sex, and lust. When Marty Klein writes a new book, I can't wait to read it. I suggest you do so, too."

Sandra Caron

"For years, Marty Klein's innovative and sensitive thinking about pornography has been very helpful to my students. His book America's War On Sex has been extremely popular in our curriculum, so I'm eager to assign His Porn, Her Pain to my classes."

Michael Shermer

"When porn took over the Internet in 2000, everyone panicked—except Marty Klein, who did the research. His Porn, Her Pain should be read by everyone in an intimate relationship, along with parents, clinicians, and lawmakers, to help us all avoid a moral panic over porn."

Laura C. Strom

"For couples struggling with one partner's porn use, this insightful book will foster deeper communication and understanding. Parents will appreciate Dr. Klein's practical advice on talking with kids about pornography. With humor, research, and case studies, this is a must-read for individuals, couples, parents, and professionals."

Dan Savage

"Marty Klein's take on 'porn addiction' and 'sex addiction' is invaluable. If you aren't already reading him, you should be."

Bill Taverner

"America has a love-hate relationship with porn, consuming it more than any other form of entertainment, while simultaneously wringing our hands about it. In a sea of activism and self-help books that feed on our collective anxiety, Dr. Marty Klein stands as an oasis of reason and thoughtful perspective. I am always so happy when Dr. Klein writes a new book, since I know America becomes more sexually intelligent with every word they read."

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