From Abby Ellin's first date with the Commander, she was caught up in a whirlwind. Within six months he'd proposed, and they'd moved in together. But soon, his exotic stories of international espionage began to unravel. Finally, it all became clear: he was lying about who he was.
After leaving him and sharing her story, she was floored to find out that her experience was far from unique. People everywhere, many of them otherwise sharp-witted and self-aware, are being deceived by their loved ones every day.
In Duped, Abby Ellin studies the art and science of lying, talks to people who've had their worlds upended by duplicitous partners, and writes with great openness about her own mistakes. These remarkable stories reveal how often we encounter people whose lives beneath the surface are more improbable than we ever imagined.
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About the Author
Table of Contents
1 Gaslit: A Love Story 1
2 The Secret Lives of Almost Everyone 33
3 Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood? 47
4 The Joy of Lying 71
5 A Life Divided 91
6 Post-Deception Stress Disorder 115
7 "I Knew but I Didn't Know" 137
8 Little Pink Lies 163
9 In God We Trust-Everyone Else, We Polygraph 187
10 Verify, but Don't Trust 209
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3.5 of 5.0 Stars After the author, a writer who considers herself pretty savvy when it comes to people, finds that she’s been totally conned in her personal relationship, she decides to write a book about that experience and more. She tells what happened with “The Commander” as she called him, a doctor who was a Marine and took off all over doing deeds of good at a moment’s notice. All top secret and hush-hush, of course. She had a healthy skepticism but continued seeing him and got sucked in and they got engaged and moved in together. Then it got harder to ignore the things that didn’t add up. Eventually, the situation blew itself up and they split up after his stories became a bit too much. But the book is done with that in the first little bit and goes on much longer about double lives and people who deceive and live falsely. I rather expected more of a story about her being duped I suppose. I didn’t realize the relationship was so short lived. Just so you know, it’s more about other people than just the man who tricked her.
Abby Ellin has been duped. The man she loved and hoped to marry has been found to be a fraud...a lying, cheating fraud. And she's about to tell you all about it and the psychology behind these career liars and what makes them do what they do. The premise of the book is fascinating. I've seen stories like hers on shows like Dr. Phil and Dateline, but never knew the victim's side of the story so in depth. We look on these cases and think they could never happen to us, but the author shows us just how wrong we really are. I'll be honest, I couldn't put this book down. Her details of her own personal duping and the additional cases she introduced to the story were fascinating. The overall tone of the book was great, too. Instead of the book being bitter from her fraud or being dry with the psychology details, she finds a way to blend it all in a slightly irreverent tongue in cheek manner that is fun to read. I rarely see a non-fiction book that keeps me as interested as this one did. Thank you to NetGalley and Perseus Books for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
Surprisingly captivating! This book had me turning the pages well after midnight and well after my eyes wanted to close. The author tells the stories of duplicitous individuals in a fascinating and engaging manner. I was hooked form page one. I appreciated the scientific anecdotes alongside the enthralling narratives. Five stars.
A compulsively well written cautionary tale of duplicity by a journalist who was conned and betrayed by a man who wasn't who he said he was, Abby Ellin confesses at the start what all women who find themselves the victim of similar circumstances eventually realize - they trusted the wrong man and they should have known better. She tells her tale with honesty, verve and style - it's easy to understand why she took the man she calls the Commander at his word; after all, she google him, and nothing that turned up in her cursory background search alerted her. At least, not enough to dissuade her from following her heart, and him, to another city, or check up on him any further. While the authors own story sets up the template for many of the other instances she relates of people who've been duped or betrayed or swindled, it's her own that's the most interesting because she's the one the reader knows best: It's easier to care about the singular than the plural. Still, Ellin marshals enough statistics, references and case histories to make her case, which is that being victimized by a liar, especially in matters of the heart, is not an uncommon experience, and that it damaged one's sense of self ever after.