“If you do one thing different, read this book! It is filled with practical, creative, effective, down-to-earth solutions to life’s challenging problems.”—Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Divorce Busting
The 20th anniversary edition of a self-help classic, updated with a new preface: Tapping into widespread popular interest in highly effective, short-term therapeutic approaches to personal problems, author Bill O’Hanlon offers 10 Solution Keys to help you free yourself from "analysis paralysis" and quickly get unstuck from aggravating problems.
Tired of feeling stuck all the time when you’re trying to solve a problem or are facing conflict? Do you get easily flustered or angry when a negative confrontation arises? Have you ever wished you could communicate more easily with your spouse, kids, colleagues, or anyone else you have a difference in opinion with? In this newly updated edition of Do One Thing Different, Bill O’Hanlon will arm you with his ten easy Solution Keys so that you can move quickly from "stuck" to "smooth sailing" in all aspects of your life. Humorous, direct, and—most important of all—effective, these keys will help you change how you view and "do" your problems—from difficult relationships to enhancing sexuality and resolving conflicts of all kinds. The next time you have a problem, try one of these Solution Keys:
- Break Problem Patterns: Change any one of what you usually do in the problem situation by doing one thing different! Example: If you usually get angry and defensive, sit quietly and listen.
- Find and Use Solution Patterns: Import solutions from other situations where you felt competent. Examples: What do you know on the golf course that you forget when you get behind the wheel of your car? What do you say to resolve a problem with an angry customer that you don't say to your angry partner?
- Shift Your Attention: Focus on what you would like to have happen rather than on what is happening.
Grounded in therapeutic practice, Do One Thing Different will put you back in control of your emotions and your life.
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About the Author
Bill O'Hanlon is a certified professional counselor and a licensed marriage and family therapist. He is the author of sixteen books, including Stop Blaming, Start Loving (formerly entitled Love Is a Verb), he has appeared on Today, and he reaches thousands through his seminars, audiotapes, and Web site. He and his wife live in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
Table of Contents
Introduction to the 20th Anniversary Edition ix
Chapter 1 Analysis Paralysis: From Liabilities to Possibilities 1
Part 1 Changing the Doing of the Problem: Insanity is Doing the same thing over and over again and Expecting Different Results
Chapter 2 When Life Has Become the Same Damn Thing Over and Over Again: Changing Patterns 15
Chapter 3 Becoming Solution-Oriented: Doing What Works 39
Part 2 Changing the Viewing of the Problem: There's Nothing as Dangerous as an Idea when it's the only one you have
Chapter 4 Acknowledgment and Possibility: Getting Beyond the Past and Your Feelings 55
Chapter 5 What You Focus on Expands: Shifting Attention 76
Chapter 6 If You Don't Have a Dream, How You Gonna Make a Dream Come True? Using the Future to Solve Problems 93
Chapter 7 Rewriting Life Stories: Changing Problem Beliefs into Solution-Oriented Ideas 107
Chapter 8 Rising Above Yourself: Solution-Oriented Spirituality 126
Part 3 Applying Solution-Oriented Therapy to Specific Areas of your Life
Chapter 9 The Codependent Cinderella Who Loves a Man Who Hates Women Too Much: Solution-Oriented Relationships 145
Chapter 10 You Mean You Can Talk During This? Solution-Oriented Sexuality 165
Chapter 11 Exorcising the Ghosts of the Past: Using Rituals to Resolve Unifinished Business and to Prevent Problems 180
Chapter 12 If You Fall on Your Face, at Least You're Heading in the Right Direction: Solution-Oriented Living 192
Solution-Oriented Resources: Books, Tapes, and Other Resources You Might Find Helpful 199